jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
