Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
honey bunches of taint.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
