I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
