Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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