I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
