Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
