"it" just moved
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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