Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
