My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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