shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
