My cat gives me a boner
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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