I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
