I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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