Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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