My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
