Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
