franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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