I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
