I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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