He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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