my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
cat food counts as protein by the way
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
