Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
