Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
