She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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