well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
