I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize