I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
