Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
