I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
