we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
