At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
