remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
