only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
