So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
