im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
