Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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