A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
is that a dick in a sweater?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize