He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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