He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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