shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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