i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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