i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
