Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
