I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
