Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
