my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
