No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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