Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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