he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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