you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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