And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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