They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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