Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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