I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
