Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
