I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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