i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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