So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
