im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
