you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
