I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
