so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
