My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
