She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
