just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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