Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
