3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
