I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
