ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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