Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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