If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
