I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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