I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize