so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
