I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
