I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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