**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
