so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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