Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
