Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
