oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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