Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
