Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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