Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
