OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
