I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
