I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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