i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
