I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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