Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
