I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
