I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
