She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
