I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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